What is your reaction if I promulgate that stress experiences in your environment - whether work or personal - may not be negative, but on the contrary could be positive feelings? No, I am not out of my sound mental faculty! Truly, some kinds of stress in your endeavours can transpire a positive impact to you if managed positively and effectively.

To most people, facing stress over time likely leads to "distress", which could pose health risks like insomnia and hypertension. Definition of "distress": experience of anxiety, sorrow and mental affliction. When not well managed, this form of utter negative stress may lead to mental depression, possibly culminating to suicidal inclination.

But how does one attain positive elation by overcoming the otherwise negative impacts of stress episodes? Well....it boils down to a person's mind-set. Now, here comes my elaboration of my statement in the first paragraph by introducing the word "eustress". It entails stress that motivates or energises an individual to perform better for delivering goals. The situation depends much on the personal state of mind in responding to challenges. For example, an avid athlete coveting for glory (of winning championship awards) will be prepared to stress himself to the uttermost by undergoing strenuous workouts. To him, his strenuous workouts are a joy as he makes physical progress. When he finally reaches his dream accolades, the feeling of exuberant elation immerses into him with ecstasy. 

To positive-minded individuals who readily assimilate life challenges (whether in the form of problems, issues or trials - including in work, personal endeavours, or environment), the lack of "stimulated"stress can cause boredom. They accept such challenging stress will heighten their senses and improve their performance levels. Despite having to face physical cum mental demands, they envision ultimate achievements as exalted elation. Nevertheless, to sustain the positive mental state, they know how to "unwind" regularly too, like physical burnout exercises and meditation. 

Why many individuals feel emotionally distressed when encountering negative situations in work? Personal development cum leadership "guru" Dr. Steven Covey, in his Greatness Training Programme, listed out three main factors, viz. * No clear purpose or vision. * Under-utilised talent. * Bureaucratic misaligned system. He suggests the following mind-set change as follows:

(1) Soul search for path finding, with the objective of concluding clarity of purpose in personal life.

(2) Unleashing the main talent, in empowering competency to surmount obstacles, issues etc.

(3) Seek alignment - persevere to adapt to the situation. Re-focus both mental and physical energy to manage the situation.

(4) Synergise with others for mutual support. Build relationship.

(5) Formulate an effective strategic roadmap. To efficaciously execute tasks well, it invariably involves planning, prioritisation, time management, adaptability.

Another avenue is to attend courses in instilling positive mental attitude (PMA). Such will serve as bolsters, like:

* Understand the internal and external causes of negative thinking.

* Learn methods/techniques for switching from negative to positive mind-set.

* Creative thinking to convert challenges into opportunities.

* Handle workplace negativity.

* Tips on personal development.

* Problem solving techniques.

* Anxiety control and meditation.

* Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), incorporating topics like self-awareness, managing emotions, personal change techniques. 

Now, I cite the life story of Nick Vujicic (although many may already know who he is), the highly sought-after inspirational speaker on positive attitude building. His personal testimonies delivered to packed audiences have touched the hearts of many people. With an extremely rare congenital disorder called Tetra-Amelia Syndrome, he was born 40 years ago without limbs (no arms and legs), except a tiny foot on his left hip to support his ability to stand upright. Yet, he swims regularly, also could surf and skydive. 

He was utterly distressed as a young boy because he was bullied in school. He struggled with depression, so much so that he attempted suicide when he was 10 years old. His thought of his father's agony if he had ended his life, was the factor that prevented him from that. The turning point came when he was 17 years old - in a friendly encounter, the janitor of his high school sowed the seeds of thought into him that he should venture into public speaking. Four months later, he tested by sharing his story to a small group of 6 peers. Then at 19 years old, he addressed to an audience of 300 sophomore students. Thereafter, there was no turning back in his thrust to inspire other people. As one of the top motivational speakers now, he has travelled to more than 74 countries.

To Nick, fear is the real disability, not physical disability. His earlier distress about his physical handicap, and being mocked by other kids, let him to become depressed when he was 10 years old. However, the new insight of his ability at age 17 turned his distress to eustress. He accepted that there were challenges in life, and that it was about doing the best of what he had. It was his choice to define his own ability. In addition, he committed himself to Christianity, now drawing near to God via prayer to guide him in managing his time and making good choices. He declares: "My faith in God and my personal relationship (with Him) has given me the strength to go on, and the humility and grace to ask Him to change my life each day."

More (Nick's) quotes:

* The greater the struggle, the more glorious the triumph.

* I love life because I've seen my purpose.

* I have a choice. I can be angry about not having limbs, or I can be thankful that I have a purpose. 

* I encourage you to accept that you may not be able to see a path right now, but that doesn't mean it's not there. 

* Don't give up on God because God will not give up on you.

It is a norm of young career-minded working individuals to covet for high leadership role within a tenure of 10 years or so. For this accentuated personal mission, they embark on endeavours to shape up their management acumen, particularly in directing and instructing. A pertinent aspect not given sufficient cognizance in respect of personal leadership development is…..COUNSELLING.

Many senior executives are adept in executing directions, giving instructions, exercising manpower control – and so forth – in the name of effective management. However, very few pay attention to the need for counselling skills. This is where they miss out – the link to a more stellar overall leadership and management role. Why so, you wonder? Reason: Successful counselling efforts require a time-consuming process.

In essence, committed counselling drives necessitate the following requisites:

·        # Not being undiscerning judgemental (not forming immediate conclusions on a subordinate.

·        #Tolerance, patience, perseverance (willing to withstand a lengthy process).

·        # “Open” listening attention (open-minded, willing to hear out all inputs).

·        # “Learned” understanding (equipped to comprehend the real issues faced by the counselee)  - example: emotional, technical, cultural, work environment.

·        # Empathy (recognising the feelings of the counselee).

·        # Offering the right advice (suiting the issues of the counselee).

The art of counselling can only be acquired via arduous trails for developing the requisites. That calls for stoic commitment manifested by the intended counsellor – which few leadership aspirants are willing to pursue. Besides the pertinent mindset and will to practise counselling, some knowledge levels are needed to be imbued. The personal development process takes a spread over time, thus involving tediousness that must be persevered.

The congenial result of effective counselling transpires to mutual respect, leading to a lasting tie between the counsellor and counselee (or so to speak, between leader and subordinate). Such affiliation results in elation  - the counsellor is elated for uplifting the counselee/subordinate; the counselee/subordinate is elated by becoming more resolute in facing life trials toward improving his efficiency and effectiveness.

What about mentoring? In some ways, it is akin to counselling, however not the exact match. A mentor teaches, guides, imparts know-how etc, that is cascading knowledge to subordinates via more of the one-way communication flow. For example, good teachers are good mentors in the classroom mode of communicating with students. On the other hand, committed counsellors are “penetrating” mentors who reach out to the hearts of those being mentored, applying patient listening, intended empathy and persevered understanding. See the intrinsic difference? Obviously, committed counselling entails arduous efforts. No wonder many leadership aspirants prefer to be mentors, not counsellors. Actually, they do not realise that profound mentoring incorporates counselling initiatives.

Way back many, many years ago, I took up a new job as business development cum trainer in an international financial entity. Two days before I reported for work, I was provided a stack of scripts by my new regional superior. He instructed me to digest quickly so that I could conduct a training session to the sales force on my first day at work. I was panicky because I had never conducted any official training in the past; moreover, the subjects were totally new to me. He allayed my apprehension by assuring he would reinforce the points shared by me during the session as he would elaborate his inputs at the end of each chapter. He advised me to take note of what he expressed so that I could learn the correct perspectives and understand my shortcomings. His interjection in between the training session helped to boost my confidence. This episode cast my respect for him as my mentor. 

In addition to this superior, I was also blessed to learn from a seasoned senior sales manager who became my counsellor. In my first discourse with him, he ingrained into me his concocted proverb which went thus: "The more you know, the more you come not to know. The more you don't know, perhaps the more you may know. Whether you know or don't know, it is immaterial for anyhow in the role you are holding, you got to know." I was utterly bewildered! The elderly gentleman then explained:

The first phrase means that when one tries to cram too much knowledge of a particular field in one go, he will be confounded as his mind becomes cluttered. The second phrase connotes that during the temporary phase of confusion, if the protagonist analyses what has gone wrong in his pursuit for fast know-how, he may correct his approach and then gain insight. The third phrase indicates that because of accountability and responsibility involved in the specific role, the appointed officer must  garner for himself the relevant facts over sufficient time to improve his calibre. What words of wisdom! From then on, I frequently consulted the "fatherly" figure for advice whenever I encountered issues......until I was assigned to another (higher) role. Thereafter, I thought to myself - would there be better expediency if my superior was equipped to serve as my mentor cum counsellor in one instead of me shuttling between two "advisors"?

I end by sharing the video (below). It exudes the sentimental experiences of a teacher with her delinquent student that culminates in mutual respect, long-term positive affiliation and personal satisfaction. Yes, a revered leadership trait encompasses astute mentoring cum counselling skills which could only be acquired via committed focus in this discipline. 

@heavymetalmessiah Inspirational Story of a Student and Teacher told by Wayne Dyer - The Story of Teddy #inspiration#teaching#wisdom#care#connection#love#joy ♬ original sound - heavymetalmessiah - Heavy Metal Messiah

EXTRAPOLATIONS FROM INTELIGENCE QUOTIENT (IQ) & EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT (EQ)

(Foreword: I am now scribing a short sequel to my last contribution which was entitled IQ VS EQ, INTELLIGENCE VS WISDOM, MICRO VS MACRO MINDSET. Hence the contents in this article should be digested and reflected in conjunction with the points of the previous post.)

Many people know the terminologies of Intelligent Quotient and Emotional Quotient. They understand that the two relate to the mental faculty of individuals. However, few are cognizant of another two quotients which supplement or complement as extended values to IQ and EQ, viz. *Social Quotient (SQ); *Adversity Quotient (AQ). Since I had rendered a detailed account on the first two fundamental quotients in my previous post (which readers should refer for perceiving the entire links of the four dispositions), I now focus on unravelling the scopes of SQ and AQ. Here goes……

SQ

It is a disposition that helps to build relationship, friendship and alliance with people outside family members. Those with high SQ can interact well, possess understanding prudence, able to perceive inclinations of people they deal with. Their advantage includes knowing when to express, also when to listen attentively. More importantly, they exercise discretion for reacting appropriately in their discourse with counterparts.

Examples of programmes on sharpening SQ:

·         #Approaches for establishing rapport.

·         #How to strike out interactive conversations with new acquaintances during functions.

·        #Making new acquaintances feel comfortable for discourse with you.

·         #Listening skills.

·         #Asking the right questions.

·         #Recognising social trends.

       AQ: 

       It entails the resilience to deal with adversities encountered in life. The management of adversities   much depends on emotional characteristics manifested by an individual. Hence AQ is an extrapolation   of EQ. Both AQ and EQ relate to adaptability of the person concerned for adjusting to unfavourable   situations.

       Examples of programmes on elevating AQ:

·         #Relevant spiritual uplift - like meditation methods, recreational activities, religious encouragement.

·         #Problem solving methods.

·        #Stress management.

·         #Adversities VS challenges – knowing the difference.

·         #How to maintain composure and avoid anxiety.

·         #Mental strength development.

 A person having high IQ and EQ is bestowed with a firm footing for doing well in the SQ arena – to wit, strong in networking for purpose of vocation or business leveraging. Quick perceptive prowess (reflecting IQ) enables him to recognise who may be his worthwhile networkers. Likewise, fraternal ability (reflecting SQ) caters for the right approaches for establishing effective interactive networks. On the other hand, positive personality traits (reflecting EQ) coupled with positive mental attitude (reflecting AQ) will exude the perseverance for continuous pursuit toward desired objectives despite encountering challenges.

CONCLUSION

 IQ and EQ serve as the fundamentals for a person’s propensity to progress in life endeavours. SQ and AQ, as the supplements, define one’s potential capacity to reach an efficacious result. The pertinent fundamentals must first be in place before embarking forward on any mission, otherwise futility is certain. In addition, the supplementary clouts pave the way to garner boosters for belting out the right actions. It is just like a chef concocting an exquisite cuisine……he needs the right basic ingredients (type of meat or seafood, vegetable, beans, nuts etc.); not only that, he chooses the right condiments (sauces, spices, seasonings etc.) and garnishes (side ingredients like parsley, lemon slices, mushrooms, chopped herbs etc. - usually used as items to spruce up palate and aesthetics of the dish). Similarly, for a desired objective or result to be wholesome, the four quotients should be inherently linked for sterling execution.  

                                             PIX NO. 1 ON SQ;   PIX NO. 2 ON AQ